Dear WeAreTeachers:
I am a 24 year old high school teacher. Today, one of my 18-year-old students stopped me after class, waited until everyone left, and said, “I think I have a crush on you.” I played it well and told her to keep coming to my class (she immediately said she was too embarrassed to do it). In the same way, I have completely blown away his comments. The only reason I felt bad was because she was shivering and nervous. Do you agree that his comments are highly inappropriate? Should I have discussed it with him or told someone? – Surprised
Dear CBS,
You’re coming up with a sensitive issue that requires some careful navigation but it’s also fairly common in middle and high school settings. Yes, you are close to age, but crashes happen with age. Many students keep their crushes a secret, but since you have expressed your feelings, there are a few things to keep in mind. Let’s not forget to embarrass your student, to make him feel like he did something wrong or to underestimate his emotions. So, I guess I wouldn’t say your student made an “inappropriate” comment He just shared his feelings with you and now you know and can respond in a professional and empathetic manner.
It has a message that will be important Clear Teachers and students that border Don’t Have a romantic relationship. Sending a mixed message by flirting or acting in a comment would be totally inappropriate for you. When you talk to your students, communicate that the attraction is not shared. Remind the student that he has done nothing wrong. Maybe you can help him use the situation that qualities he realizes in people.
You can also get some guidance from someone in your leadership team to help you form a conversation with your student, maybe a mentor. So, yes, pick it up, and don’t try to handle it on your own. When you meet in private, be sure to include another colleague with another pair of eyes and ears to support this situation. Be sure to keep your door open. Also, consider refraining from texting / calling your student if he or she believes the fantasy is coming true. And finally, don’t ignore or avoid this student. Your communication and clarity can help strengthen healthy boundaries between teachers and students.
As a new teacher handling a difficult situation, it is important to remember that you need a sufficiently supportive relationship to handle the day-to-day complex challenges of being a teacher. Jennifer Gonzalez, host and author of Cult of Pedagogy, offers these simple and in-depth tips for new teachers: . Any other strategy. And in that case your chances of excellence will skyrocket. Just as a young seedling grows in a garden, your first year of prosperity depends largely on who you plant next to.
Dear WeAreTeachers:
My team went out for lunch today. I’m stuck with a strict budget because I’m pregnant and I’m saving where I can, so I’ve ordered the least expensive items on the menu and water. The rest of my team ordered drinks and meals that were $ 15 to + 20 + more than me. When Bill L, they just asked the waitress to divide the table evenly. I respectfully stated that I would prefer to pay only by item since there were only four of us. Also, I offered to cover the appetizer (which I didn’t order). I split the bill in the end because they made me feel cheap. And now my colleagues are giving me a cold shoulder to bring it to the forefront. There seems to be tension, and I’m not sure how to proceed. – Chepsket embarrassed
Dear CS,
You are sharing awkward group dynamics that we can all relate to. While the courage to speak up has not given you the desired respect and results, it is a great start to being true to yourself and taking place. Hopefully, this experience will not deter you from future social travel because I guess you still want to connect with your colleagues. I think most of us agree that working with a team that knows and cares for each other is rewarding. It is also common for all of us to be at different stages of our lives and in economic situations. So, let’s consider some ways to persevere and feel good about your boundaries. You are not a cheap skate!
The next time you go out, ask the server for your own bill. If you don’t want to ask for your own bill in front of your coworkers, go to the bathroom, find your server and take care of it yourself. Consider bringing cash and quick payments before all negotiations are over. Be firm about your own spending limits! You do not have to defend yourself or explain to others. Just take care of yourself. If you can’t get your bill, be prepared for what you will say: “I can only pay for my food and tips today. I’m on a tight budget and I’m grateful for your support. “
Looks like you’re experiencing some “man-pleasing” trend. “For many, the desire to be happy stems from the problem of self-worth. They hope that saying yes to everything they ask will help them feel accepted and liked. ” It’s normal to like and have a strong relationship with your team. But feeling uncomfortable when people disagree or have trouble talking and holding your place can be an additional challenge to make people happy. You have different roles and as an expectant mother, you seem to be planning ahead and becoming aware of your growing family. You also want to be recognized and authentically connected to your team. These tensions are normal and difficult to navigate. When trying to please everyone else, you will have little left over for yourself. And as a pregnant mother, you need to save your energy.
My advice is to pick your journal and do a bit of reflective writing. Become what you want to be. How do you feel when you prioritize yourself and your family? Imagine being able to talk quietly with your coworkers. What do you say Are you keeping your boundaries? Are there any areas where you need trends? Now mark some effective steps. Looks like you want to save money. Can you set aside a specific bank account to help you see your progress and feel empowered? Even $ 30 a week really adds up.
You can’t change other people, but you can control what you accept and how you react to this life situation. James Clear, author Atomic practice, Writes, “The ultimate form of inner inspiration is when a habit becomes part of your identity. It’s one thing to say I’m the kind of person that wants it. It’s very different to say that I am such a person. “
Dear WeAreTeachers:
Last weekend, I went hiking in the mountains and was actually in a tree house. It was so amazing! I feel super privileged to be able to do something like this. The spaciousness was soothing, and the immersion in nature was inspiring: the gentle breeze, the tree pillars, the whirlpool, the birds chirping. I felt like myself. Now, I’m struggling to get back to swinging things in my classroom. I just want to escape from real life. Do you have any ideas to help me? – Take me to the tree
Dear TMBTTT,
How cool to be in a tree house! The American poet Shell Silverstein also has something to say about him.
A tree house, a free house,
A secret is yours and mine,
The leaf stalks are high
The house can be as comfortable as possible.
A street house,
A tidy house,
Be sure and wipe the house with your feet
Isn’t my house at all-
Let’s live in a tree house.
What a gift to be able to immerse yourself in nature and fill your cup! Teaching is a dynamic, complex and demanding task. Physical and mental intensity can really take a toll and many of our teachers have jumped into the feeling of burnout. It is best to find a way to feel it More to yourself, So it is very inspiring to hear that what you are discovering makes you alive. Good for you!
Life in and out of school can sometimes feel messy and chaotic. You are reminding us all of the importance of building our mental resilience to get through the daily discomfort. Education leader Elena Aguilar says, “Simply put, resilience is the way we deal with storms in our lives and get back on track after something difficult.” He added that resilience also “enables us to improve, not just survive.” Aguilar builds his 12-month habit building habit that builds emotional resilience in neuroscience, mindfulness, positive psychology, and more. Some of the big ideas include being here now, taking care of yourself, building community, understanding emotions and telling empowerment stories.
While it’s hard to move from vacation to your more compressed lifestyle, I’m sure you can find gratitude for this amazing experience. It is really beneficial that you have been able to deposit such meaningful experience in your life bank account. Consider having a “surprise walk” as a vital part of getting back to your workplace and your daily life. These conversions can be difficult for most of us. Find a handful of minutes where you walk and notice, Really noticeYour surroundings can bring back the feeling of awe and wonder that you felt in the forest.
To add, often the best moments of our lives are not the time to relax. Positive psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi believes that our happiest times happen when we stretch out to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. He described the “flow” as “a state of high focus and immersion in activities such as art, sport and work.” So, yes, take a break, stay in a place that you think is beautiful and nurture your inner and outer consciousness. But also, consciously look for ways to find the feeling of “flow” that taps your curiosity, especially when you are adjusting to work and life responsibilities. Take a few moments to reflect on how you lose your sense of time. For me, when I read, write and speak poetry. Hours and hours go by while I listen to music, make art, walk on the beach and bake chocolate chip cookies.
Remember that your work enables you to do things that fulfill you and make you happy. So, plan another trip if it excites and inspires you! Meanwhile, living your life with desire and attention is a place to start one day at a time and sometimes even from moment to moment.
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Dear WeAreTeachers:
I’m a high school math teacher, and I don’t have discipline support in my building. All behavioral problems, serious or otherwise, are my responsibility. If I send a student out, it’s inevitable that they’ll be back in a few minutes, with a lollipop in hand. It’s not annoying when these same kids just started a physical fight and even broke furniture and supplies. I understand that my principal wants to build a positive relationship — that’s what I want too. But I feel like I’m at a breaking point. Am I wrong, or are my administrators lax?Want more advice columns? Check out our Ask WeAreTeachers Hub.
